With Much Pain....

I finally said goodbye to my favorite denim lover. When I purchased these jeans some 5+ years ago they were hole less and a much darker denim. However, over the course of the past couple of years they've been through many adventures. Of course they look cute and even wearable from the front.

But from the back there's no denying that they have seen better days.

Not only can you see both of my tushy cheeks when I put them on there is also a small hole now in the crotch area. This of course is not acceptable.

So I put on my thinking cap.

I remembered that I've also been telling myself that I'm going to teach myself to sew for the longest time.

And what better time to learn than when I need to recycle my favorite pair of jeans.

So I began....

And I was awful. It took me an hour to learn how to thread the needle and learn what a bobbin is.

But eventually I got the hang of it and started my first project.

Project 1: The Apron

Notice the pocket. I took it from my jeans. I also saved the rest of them for later projects. And even though I made something functional and cute out of a piece of them a part of me was still sad that I will never get to wear them again. But it's for the better, lord knows I don't need to be prancing around in some butt-less jeans.

So after finishing my first sewing project I realized that I really like sewing and that I wanted to do more of it. So I dove in head first and started a new project. Quilting.

Here is some of the fabric I will be using. I'm really excited I've got a little bit started but haven't taken a picture yet. I will have to post them soon. I'm so excited!

That's all for now. Lunch break is over and I'm heading back to work to see my precious angels. Have a great Tuesday!

He's Wonderful :)

I was visiting Athens just last week and got to see my wonderful family.

I love seeing them because I'm always learning something when we're together talking about everything and nothing.

I spent Thursday with my Daddy and had a Daddy/Daughter day. I love these days, they are some of the best days of my life....because I'm a true blue Daddy's girl.

So on Thursday we did plenty of fun stuff. Well, actually to anyone else it wouldn't be too fun. We sat around and talked, went to buy four wheeler parts and visited old friends. These are all things I love doing with my parents though because you get to learn from them. I learn from what they say and I learn from what I see. Even at 23, I believe my parents have so much wisdom to send my way.

So we went out to ole Cross Roads to visit some old friends of my Daddy's.

Friends that I remember my Dad catching hell for when I was younger for being their friend.

These friends of his don't have much. There's no beautiful house, no nice clothes or nice cars.

But they were always there for him when he needed a friend.

So we went to pay them a visit and to just catch up on old times.

And as I sat there watching my Daddy talking to them telling them how nice their yard was looking, how much he missed them and how he was just so glad that they were doing well... I started to smile.

I looked at him and it made me so proud to be his daughter.

To be the daughter of a man who doesn't care what you have or don't have.

To be the daughter of a man who has set such a good example as I grew up showing me that money doesn't have much importance if you don't have great friends and family around.

To be the daughter of a man who gives everything he has to other people. Whether it's money, clothes, time or anything else, he's got a giving heart.

He truly makes my heart happy.

I look up to this man.

I respect this man.

I trust this man.

I'm sometimes in awe of this man.

I cherish every moment that I'm with him.

I still get excited when I see him.

I love him with all my heart.

And I thank him for giving me all the lessons and love that a man should give his child.

I'm one lucky girl! :)

*Update* I've been asked a few times if this post was because of something recent that had happened. I'd just like to say that it isn't. In fact, it's just me feeling comfortable enough now to talk about it and be completely passed the past. :)


If you allow someone to have every ounce of you inside and out and they abuse that, how do you recover?

Tough question.

I sat outside on the curb crying as he told me things such as, "you deserve better than me" and "I can never be the man you deserve". What a coward. What he should have said was, "I really just don't want to shape up and be the man you deserve. Oh and by the way there's someone else." At least if he would have uttered those words they would have been the truth. Afterall, if you're going to break someones heart I believe you should do it honestly. Plus, had the truth flew out of his mouth I probably would have been pissed instead of hurt and I probably would have moved on from it all much quicker. I would have at least got a good punch in before I sent him on his way.

Instead, he lied to my face, kissed me on my forehead and was on his way. Leaving me there, with my tear soaked face wondering what I had done. Had I asked too much of him? What was I lacking that he needed? Of course every little thing goes through your mind...... but the obvious thing, it wasn't you it was always him.

But it's not very uncommon for a woman to give her all to her man. We stand beside you through thick and thin. Even when our friends and family tell us he's a loser and that he'll more than likely never amount to anything more than a convenient store clerk. Somehow, you have faith in him. Faith that he'll change his life around and be the man you always wanted, needed, and deserved.

NEWS FLASH! You get what you see. Ladies, think about it.... when you go into a relationship are you thinking about how much this man is going to change you? You know how much he's going to change your control issues, your OCD, your faith, your bad habits. NO! Of course we aren't thinking about him changing us because we're perfect (or so we believe) and we don't need to be changed. He does. But if we're not willing to change why do you so badly believe your man will change and also why believe that it's going to be so easy to get him to?

So I thought I could change a man and learned the hard way that you definitely can't change the big things. I also learned that you shouldn't be with someone who you feel like you NEED to change most of the big things.

So you've put your all into this thing and then you get dumped. And I don't think it's the person that I missed so much. It's everything that I gave that I missed so much. You know that feeling, when you've given all of you and there you are a mess with nothing to give someone else. Not that you want to at that point. But you want to kick yourself for putting so much faith into a person who didn't deserve the smallest token of your devotion.

So you slowly recover from it all....

And then you promise yourself just one thing....

That it will never happen again.

And how in the world will you prevent that from happening?

Easy. Don't give a thing. Don't give your faith. Don't give your heart. Don't give anyone the ability to break inside of you and see who you really are.

I'm so guilty of this. Just yesterday I found myself sitting in front of my friend Jenna saying something like this, "Just assume nothing will work out and you won't be disappointed if it doesn't." What? I never used to say ridiculous crap like that.

Then Jenna pointed out that maybe it's better to be a little more positive than that. I thought about it....maybe.

And then I kept thinking.

Then I came up with this... I'm still letting someone else control me if I'm thinking like that, I'm letting them control my faith in people. And they don't deserve that ability. Afterall, they weren't good enough to make the cut so they sure as hell aren't good enough to control my life well after the fact.

Now do you keep your heart guarded? Absolutely. You don't want just anyone to break in. Afterall, that's part of the reason why you are who you are today. Because you allowed someone in that really didn't have any business there.

So I think it's important to find a place in the middle. Yep that big ugly word, compromise. Which if you know me is something I desperately hate to do. I want what I want and that's mainly control. But it's not realistic to think that you can control everything. And I don't think it's healthy to think that you should. You should give a little instead of always taking a lot.

So I sit here on this Sunday afternoon thinking about all the things I should be more willing to compromise on instead of control and must admit that those thoughts are all because of a broken heart and someones lack of give and total selfishness. Which I guess I should be thankful for.

Today at work I realized that I really do love what I do.

My kids woke up from nap and as always I went around and kissed them on their little foreheads and told them 'hi'.

Everything seemed to be going well. A typical day. I'm lucky enough that my kids are never awful two year old monsters. lol

But today was a little more chaotic. The start of it anyway...

They quickly went from sweet sleeping children to a little bit of a mess.

One child had an accident and while helping them change another one is standing in the door crying for his mommy (who had just tried to pick him up from school but he didn't want to go yet.) two other children were fighting over putting up their mats and blankies and one was just observing wondering what in the world was going on.

It just screamed chaos all over the place and right then and there I just stopped and looked at them and smiled because they were the cutest mess I've ever seen.

I quickly changed one kid, comforted one, told two others to share and things were magically fixed in seconds.

but in that minute of craziness I thought... 'If I can love my job now, then I know this is what I want to do forever.'

And I did... I still loved it.

Grown Up. Who Me?

The other night I sprung up from bed and gasped for air to breathe.

Nightmare.

But more of a grown up kind of nightmare.

I've had this nightmare twice in the last couple months.

What is it about?

Getting my house broken into?

Getting kidnapped? (woman-napped? is that the correct term for a female over 18?)

Never graduating?

Nope. None of the above.

The thought going through my little mind that was fast asleep in my princess bed?

"I'm a grown up!"

The whirlwind of thoughts that followed were something like this....

"Someone trusted my enough to live on my own and not die!"

"Where's my Momma and Daddy? Why don't they cook me dinner and wash my clothes anymore?"

"Do I really pay my bills on time every month without ANYONE telling me to?"

"I've been driving for almost 8 years now.. really."

Seriously, this is not the first time I've had this dream/nightmare. I had it one night a few months back and I woke up the same way gasping for air and called my Momma right away.

She exclaimed, "Umm, you've been doing it for 5 years now."

Funny how it has just hit me.

So.... while out shopping today I came across a book that caught my eye. The 10 Women You'll Be Before You're 35.

Perfect.

Because I need to know that I'm normal and that waking up gasping for air over growing up is normal.

I've started the book and will have to get back to you on how the reading goes. Hopefully it's full of lots of insight.

She's Amazing!

I'm a day late with getting this post up.

I tried to post it last night and was instead greeted with internet connection errors.

So even though it's a day late I think it's still a post that must be said.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO THE BEST MOMMA IN THE WORLD!

I've been blessed with a wonderful Momma who is there for me through and through.

Her heart is always full of love for me and for others.

Her mind is always worried about the well being of her daughter.

Her smile always there to greet me, to welcome me when I come home or when she makes a visit to see me.

She is there to support me in everything I do.

But the most wonderful gift she has given me as a mother would be her gift of listening.

She listens to me talk for hours and hours each week on the phone.

I talk about things important to me.

I talk about where my life is leading, where I want it to go and how I presume to get there.

I talk about my friends.

I talk about me, plain and simple.

Never once has she acted uninterested, she will tell you she genuinely enjoys listening to her daughter.

I believe her because she does it so well.

She's a selfless woman.

A woman that has given everything she has to her child.

And I only hope I can be the kind of mother she is to me.

She is in one word, amazing.

Is It Summer Yet?

Almost.

Summer, it's almost here.

Finals will officially be over next Wednesday and then.... the most carefree adventurous time of the year will be upon us.

I'm so ready for the pool. The lake. Fishin'. Tall glasses of iced tea. Tan lines. Floating the river. Enjoying a few beers. Shorts and tank tops. Bike riding. Cook outs. Water sports. And most of all great times with wonderful friends.

I really feel like a kid trying to choose which ice cream to get when the neighborhood ice cream truck comes around.

I mean really what do you do first?

In one week I'll let ya know. ;)

Save! Save! Save!

So I'm ALWAYS looking for a good deal.

We know this about me :)

Recently, I've been working on getting my grocery bill as low as possible so I've been trying to find every way to save possible.

I always use coupons and match them with the circular but I was looking at one of my favorite blogs the other day and the woman had posted a great post about what to do to save on groceries.

If you want all the info. (believe me you do.) you should click http://allthingshendrick.blogspot.com/2009/04/350-worth-of-groceries-for-125.html

So I took some of her advice and below is what I bought and how much I payed for it total.

-2 loaves of Sara Lee wheat bread
-1 head organic romaine lettuce
-1 package organic carrots
-1 package organic raspberries
-2 organic apples
-5 ears of yellow corn
-4 organic tomatoes
-organic bananas
-1 tub country crock butter
-1 pint organic half & half
-3 packages of 6 ct. organic waffles
-2 packages of chicken breasts
-1 package lil beef smokies
-2 packages Tyson bacon
-2 boxes Kraft mac - cheese
-1 bottle Kraft bbq sauce
-6 pack of Hansens sodas
-1 package capri suns
-1 package 4 ct. colgate wisps
-Nivea body wash
-VIVE shampoo
-VIVE conditioner
-Lady speed stick deodorant
-Arm and hammer (3lb.) washing soda
-Arm and hammer (4lb.) baking soda

Total before Kroger savings and my coupons: $93.42

After w/ all savings and coupons: $57.42

Total savings: $36.00

I think that I did a pretty decent job but I'm going to keep working on my savings tactics. My goal, to get my groceries for almost free. I do believe it's possible. Please check out the link above and all the links in her post and register at the websites she gives. They really are very helpful.

After all, who wants to spend all their money on groceries?

I do believe the reason that my grocery bill wasn't less is because of my organic preference on most things. This is something that I can't give up so I'm working on finding places to receive more organic and natural product coupons. I know there has to be more resources.

So give it all a try the next time you go to the grocery store.

If you have any questions about anything email me at victoria41986@yahoo.com I would love to help you save :)

One day....

Last weekend Jeina was nice enough to loan me her adorable daughter Brooklyn for the weekend. (see above:))

And although I was absolutely exhausted by Saturday it was wonderful to have a little one around the house especially since Mom was in town.

I had the best time just watching her play, giggle and of course sleep. I think watching little ones sleep is one of the most precious things you will ever see.


I enjoyed every minute of her being here including the waking up early part :)

One day. Yes, one day I hope that I'm blessed with children as beautiful and precious as she is.

More pictures of this cutie on my Facebook

The windows are open.

The french doors open.

The rain is falling.

And I'm just soaking it all in.

Listening to the sound of the storm on this Saturday afternoon.

And thankful that I'm sitting, listening, enjoying this beautiful mess.

It's refreshing.

The only thing missing.... a cup of tea.

I shall put a pot on. ;)

Happy Saturday!

-Tori