Flippin' Flashback #3

I posted this next flashback post because it reminded me that I must remember that God is always in control and that everything is in his hands.

And then even when I don't want to listen, I can't deny him.

The following was originally posted on September of 2007


Why is it so many relationships fail?

Why is it that statistically 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Is it that people don't try?

Is it that they give up on love?

Do they forget to even care?

Yes. Sometimes they don't try. Sometimes they don't care. And sometimes things just go in a direction that can't be saved.

BUT! I will say that again. BUT! More often than not I believe that relationships fail because it's two people not knowing who they truly are. It's two people being so unaware of their inner self and so afraid to find it that they have nothing of worth to offer the other. They don't stand for anything.

What do I mean, not knowing who they are?

I mean that people walk into a relationship looking for something to fill a void in their life, something that's permanent. They are looking for someone to be a witness to their life, a witness to everything that they do. But, don't you already have a witness to your life?

Isn't Jesus Christ your witness?

I can NOT get away from this topic, it has been staring me in the face for such a long time that I can no longer ignore it.

God, decided to be real pushy this weekend and He MADE me see that my relationship with Him is not where it needs to be. I constantly wish for someone to love, someone to love me and He never truly brings that into my life. I have continued to think that it's something that I deserve. I always say to Him, why not me? why can't I be in love? I try God. I really do.

This weekend he answered back. His answer? "Don't you see? I have brought you someone, I have brought you my son."

I didn't understand. Doesn't He understand that's not the kind of love I'm looking for? I would argue and argue that this is not what I was talking about.

I guess He decided that maybe someone else could make me listen if He couldn't. So in the last week He was sent people into my life to relay the message. In fact, He sent three amazing people to tell me His word. The funny thing is, these were not close people in my life. None of them were friends of mine that I had known for ages. None of them were acquaintances. In fact, I didn't know a one of them. God sent absolute strangers into my life to make me hear what He needed to say.

The first person that He sent was a fellow blogger, I read her blog everyday and have for a while now. Mostly, she's hilarious and I love that she's just a typical mom trying to raise her children in a house full of the love of Jesus. This past week I noticed that there was a link on her blog that I had never really payed any attention to. I clicked on it. It was a book that she had written that was posted online. The book immediately sparked my interest, so I began to read.

The first chapter of the book began with the struggles she had in her marriage. It then quickly turned to why she was having the struggles that she was having. She and her husband both knew God and attended church religiously. So what was the problem? She realized that even though God was in her life she had never learned how to be a woman of God. She had no clue what they meant.

I then realized, I have no clue what they means. I know that I want that. I want to be a godly woman. I just really don't know where you start on that path.

That was the first person that impacted my life this week.

On Sunday, I went with my bestie to church. A new church. A church I was skeptical about. I loved my old church so much and decided that I wasn't going to find one that I adored like that one. So that was that. Central Baptist of Bryan wins, forever and ever amen. Now thinking about it, God probably just laughed at me when those thoughts were going through my mind. Because I had no clue what kind of wisdom that church was about to offer me.

A woman named Kendall Payne was there on Sunday morning to sing during worship. Her voice was so amazing she made me cry. This is her myspace site http://www.myspace.com/kendallpayne, but let me just tell you that it does her no justice. Listening to her live, her voice will move you.

Kendall sang a song on Sunday morning that she wrote to her husband. She described it as her perfect love song to him. The song did not talk about anything that you expect a love song to. Instead this song talked about "loving each other in spite of failure" it talked about someone "bringing out the worst in you, but it's the part you needed to see". As I listened to her sing I began to think about how this song had so much truth. Nothing in a relationship with someone else is going to be perfect. People fail. You fail. I fail. But when you have someone greater in your life, someone to guide you, these failures can be overcome. And God does that. He guides you, He loves you, He's there for you. With Him there and with his support these failures will seem trivial.

Once again, God had made me realize the need for my relationship with Him to strengthen.

After worship, the preacher began his sermon. And it quickly jumped into relationships. (In fact, that is all they are going to be talking about for the next six weeks; it's a series. ) This first week the topic was singleness. "Singleness is not a disease to be cured." That is exactly what he said. That really stuck with me. Because so many people think that it is. They think that you have to find someone, and you have to find them as soon as possible. Well, you don't. Singleness can be such a great opportunity he said. A great opportunity to find out who you are. What a great concept I thought. Finding out who you are. I really thought I knew who I was, I thought I knew me. But I have so far to go. I know that I am not even close to knowing my inner self. I am not close to becoming the woman of God that I long to be. But I'm excited about that. I know what I need to work on. I have a goal. God has a goal for me. And He cared enough to be so persistent and repeat His message over and over and over until it was received. That's love. That's the kind of love I want. That's the kind of love I want to give. I want to love like God.

His love is full of faith and hope. I feel so blessed. I know Jesus, I know His love. I'm looking forward to being the woman He wants me to be and I believe that when I have all the wisdom that I need, He will just make it happen. He will guide me to the one that He has made for me. And that's beautiful.

Flippin' Flashback #2

My little children at work have grown so much from this post. It's one of the first posts that I wrote about them. It reminded me of the days when I was called things such as 'Hori' (glad that one pasted) and 'Tordi' ;)

I'm so proud of the three (almost 4) year olds that they've become.

It has been such a joy having them as a part of my life, most days. ;)

The following was posted back in September or 2008....



So it's typical in my day of work to have at least one kid spill their cup of water or at the very least play in it.

You know put their cheez-its or animal crackers in it.

Blow bubbles in it.

Throw it on their friends and make them cry.

Dump it on the floor because they got up from the table with their cup and forgot it was in their hand when they started playing.

This of course forces Miss Tori to use bagoodles of paper towels to clean up the floor/table/chairs area.

Miss "Green" Tori.

Sometimes I want to sit them down and give them a good talkin' to about the environment. Instead I have to say, "Sweets, please don't play in your water or you will have to throw it in the trash can."

But I have thought about what I would say in my environmental speech to two year old's.

Here go's.......

"Children. What you make Miss Tori do everyday at snack time is not environmentally friendly. You make Miss Tori be a big fat tree killer! Is that what you really want? Do you want me to kill trees? Miss Tori doesn't even use paper towels in her own home. It makes me so so sad that you spill your water all over the table, floors and friends. (insert frowny face here) Now please contain your urge to take the ever precious water that I give you daily at snack and play in it. After all, not all of your fellow toddler buddies around the world are lucky enough to get water everyday of their life, especially clean water. Now did ya think about that, did ya? I didn't think so."

In my head they say, "Yay Miss Tori! Me no spill water! Me love trees!"

In real life it would probably end in all cups of water being thrown at each other and then an nsync giggle on their part.

It's also quite typical for me to stand in the middle of the classroom saying, "Please use your walking feet in the classroom or you WILL sit in think about it!" (Think about it = time out)

Think about it normally means once I sit them down so that they can think about their actions they end up crying, screaming or hitting.

So naturally I hate think about it.

But it's normally where a few of my kids live each afternoon.

Typically, one of my kids is going to need a band-aid, boo-boo bag or hugs and kisses before the day is out. I usually pray everyday that they will only need hugs and kisses because that's more fun than band-aids and boo-boo bags.

So with all the "typical-ness" you might be thinking these kids are bad.

These kids are a handful.

But.... these kids, are two.

And they are anything but terrible, they're terrific :)

Because also on a typical day I get more hugs than I can count.

I get to hear precious little voices say, "Kisses Tordi." (wanting to kiss my cheek)

I get to see them get so excited to play with their friends after they wake up from nap.

I get to see them share their toys, occasionally. ;)

I get to hear "Horsey say neigh Tori, horsey say neigh!" in their most energetic voice.

I get to have little bodies curl up in my lap and say, "Read Tordi, read."

I get to be the one that they want to pick them up when they're hurt, sad or just wanting someone to hold them. I love their little heads on my shoulder.

I love that all these things are also typical in my day of work.

I love my little loves and love how much they light up my everyday life by just being typically two.

Flippin' Flashback #1

I thought I'd start this flashback week with a post that I came across that was written almost two years ago.

I'm posting it to help remind me that simple really is the best way to go.

Almost two years later I still want all these 'simple' things :)




Simplicity : the state of being simple, uncomplicated, and uncompounded

Aww...yes... that sounds just lovely doesn't it? Uncomplicated. I love that thought, that "theory". But it's so absolutely and positively hard to do in our world today.

So I've decided, I want simple. I'm striving for simple in my life. Not exactly what you hear people today striving to get outta life is it?

Let me tell ya what kinda simple I want.

I want the simple love. The one where I love you and you love me and no one could ever get in the way of that.

I want the simple house. The small quaint old house that makes it absolutely impossible to escape family by wandering off to the entire other side of the house. I just simply want to make a house a home.

I want the simple car. I don't need to spend my entire years salary on a something that quite frankly just gets me from point A to point B.

I want simple leisure time. Gardens, picnics, family, friends, kites and swings... yep those are the things that can "simply" put a smile on your face. :)

Life, it isn't simple. It's absolutely complicated. So I'm going to simplify what I can control. I'm going to enjoy the simple things life offers me each day. You know, those things that get taken for granted by the complicated job, the complicated boy, the complicated decisions that stare you straight in the face and need an answer right away.

So step back every now and then. And enjoy the simplicity that life has to offer.