I posted this next flashback post because it reminded me that I must remember that God is always in control and that everything is in his hands.
And then even when I don't want to listen, I can't deny him.
The following was originally posted on September of 2007
Why is it so many relationships fail?
Why is it that statistically 50% of all marriages end in divorce?
Is it that people don't try?
Is it that they give up on love?
Do they forget to even care?
Yes. Sometimes they don't try. Sometimes they don't care. And sometimes things just go in a direction that can't be saved.
BUT! I will say that again. BUT! More often than not I believe that relationships fail because it's two people not knowing who they truly are. It's two people being so unaware of their inner self and so afraid to find it that they have nothing of worth to offer the other. They don't stand for anything.
What do I mean, not knowing who they are?
I mean that people walk into a relationship looking for something to fill a void in their life, something that's permanent. They are looking for someone to be a witness to their life, a witness to everything that they do. But, don't you already have a witness to your life?
Isn't Jesus Christ your witness?
I can NOT get away from this topic, it has been staring me in the face for such a long time that I can no longer ignore it.
God, decided to be real pushy this weekend and He MADE me see that my relationship with Him is not where it needs to be. I constantly wish for someone to love, someone to love me and He never truly brings that into my life. I have continued to think that it's something that I deserve. I always say to Him, why not me? why can't I be in love? I try God. I really do.
This weekend he answered back. His answer? "Don't you see? I have brought you someone, I have brought you my son."
I didn't understand. Doesn't He understand that's not the kind of love I'm looking for? I would argue and argue that this is not what I was talking about.
I guess He decided that maybe someone else could make me listen if He couldn't. So in the last week He was sent people into my life to relay the message. In fact, He sent three amazing people to tell me His word. The funny thing is, these were not close people in my life. None of them were friends of mine that I had known for ages. None of them were acquaintances. In fact, I didn't know a one of them. God sent absolute strangers into my life to make me hear what He needed to say.
The first person that He sent was a fellow blogger, I read her blog everyday and have for a while now. Mostly, she's hilarious and I love that she's just a typical mom trying to raise her children in a house full of the love of Jesus. This past week I noticed that there was a link on her blog that I had never really payed any attention to. I clicked on it. It was a book that she had written that was posted online. The book immediately sparked my interest, so I began to read.
The first chapter of the book began with the struggles she had in her marriage. It then quickly turned to why she was having the struggles that she was having. She and her husband both knew God and attended church religiously. So what was the problem? She realized that even though God was in her life she had never learned how to be a woman of God. She had no clue what they meant.
I then realized, I have no clue what they means. I know that I want that. I want to be a godly woman. I just really don't know where you start on that path.
That was the first person that impacted my life this week.
On Sunday, I went with my bestie to church. A new church. A church I was skeptical about. I loved my old church so much and decided that I wasn't going to find one that I adored like that one. So that was that. Central Baptist of Bryan wins, forever and ever amen. Now thinking about it, God probably just laughed at me when those thoughts were going through my mind. Because I had no clue what kind of wisdom that church was about to offer me.
A woman named Kendall Payne was there on Sunday morning to sing during worship. Her voice was so amazing she made me cry. This is her myspace site http://www.myspace.com/kendallpayne, but let me just tell you that it does her no justice. Listening to her live, her voice will move you.
Kendall sang a song on Sunday morning that she wrote to her husband. She described it as her perfect love song to him. The song did not talk about anything that you expect a love song to. Instead this song talked about "loving each other in spite of failure" it talked about someone "bringing out the worst in you, but it's the part you needed to see". As I listened to her sing I began to think about how this song had so much truth. Nothing in a relationship with someone else is going to be perfect. People fail. You fail. I fail. But when you have someone greater in your life, someone to guide you, these failures can be overcome. And God does that. He guides you, He loves you, He's there for you. With Him there and with his support these failures will seem trivial.
Once again, God had made me realize the need for my relationship with Him to strengthen.
After worship, the preacher began his sermon. And it quickly jumped into relationships. (In fact, that is all they are going to be talking about for the next six weeks; it's a series. ) This first week the topic was singleness. "Singleness is not a disease to be cured." That is exactly what he said. That really stuck with me. Because so many people think that it is. They think that you have to find someone, and you have to find them as soon as possible. Well, you don't. Singleness can be such a great opportunity he said. A great opportunity to find out who you are. What a great concept I thought. Finding out who you are. I really thought I knew who I was, I thought I knew me. But I have so far to go. I know that I am not even close to knowing my inner self. I am not close to becoming the woman of God that I long to be. But I'm excited about that. I know what I need to work on. I have a goal. God has a goal for me. And He cared enough to be so persistent and repeat His message over and over and over until it was received. That's love. That's the kind of love I want. That's the kind of love I want to give. I want to love like God.
His love is full of faith and hope. I feel so blessed. I know Jesus, I know His love. I'm looking forward to being the woman He wants me to be and I believe that when I have all the wisdom that I need, He will just make it happen. He will guide me to the one that He has made for me. And that's beautiful.